I’ve started 3 posts so far in relation to my Cuba trip, the wedding and the antics that went with it - and I’ve not published, or nearly finished a single one of them.
The holiday was amazing, and despite being quite drunk for quite alot of it I remember almost everything, and what I don’t remember was caught on camera so I could, in theory write pages and pages - but there’s nothing - no inspiration to write about any of it.
I don’t want you to extract from that sentance that the holiday wasn’t inspirational or exciting enough to justify a post - It justifies many posts, and it’s also going to be responsible for 3 or 4 chapters in the book - but I just can’t get my head round what I want to put here - Although I can’t get my head around much at all right now.
I’m struggling to get back into work, I’m struggling to get back into my routine, I’m struggling to even struggle with it - I’ve lost interest in most of it.
I have been running the business since 2005, I love the business, I love my job, I love the creative side, the management side, I love working with and for customers, creating a part of there company, helping them develop - but right here, right now in Norfolk I’m starting to not enjoy it, I’m starting to feel very flat and uninspired.
Why I hear you ask, I did hear you ask… didn’t I? - well you said something…… I’m sure there are a few reasons.
First of all is the obvious reason - the current recession, it’s is a big kick in the jaffas, and although not effecting me hugely, especially compared to others, it’s put a frown on the economy around me and it’s creating a damn miserable point in time for this country right now - but, as stated it’s not hit me too hard, and I don’t see it much as I rarely get outside of the office to witness the frowns, plus the curtains are closed in the office which helps.
Secondly and probably key is the fact I don’t wanna be here, I love my new place, the new appartment is sooo cool, living with Luke rocks, more than it ever rocked before, in regards to my family and friends I never like to be too far away for too long, but I just don’t want to be here… Actually thats wrong, very wrong, I love being here - but there’s a big part of me that wants to be elsewhere, there’s a huge part of me that wants to run my business elsewhere, there’s a big part of my creative passion and a chunk of my heart that want to share themselves on foreign soil - and no, not Cuba.
So what do I do with that?
There are openings, possibilities & potential work overseas - there are people, friends and I would imagine open arms to go with it and with a little money behind me all it would need is a visa and a plane ticket, so….
I don’t know what to say from here, I think it will take a little time for all these thoughts to settle a little before I consider anything in the near future and probably before I can plan to much for the not so near future - however it feels like I have a calling, and I don’t want to let it lie long enough that it stops calling because I’ve managed to bury it under a pile of daily chores and routine, just to feel a sharp pain in my shin being inflicted upon me by my own shoe.
So I don’t know whether my lack of Cuba based inspiration is because my head is soo wired I can’t concentrate on it for long enough or whether it’s because the Cuban Effect is responsible for my current headache and I’m not sure whether I want to praise or poopoo it as just don’t know where it’s left me????